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The Monarch is the most handsome guy since like, David Hasselhoff. His looks are captured in Greek sculptures, cause the Greeks got a hold of the Grover Cleveland Time Machine and when I captured it they came out and were like "Gee, that's a handsome man" so they had to make statues of my face. I mean, his face. The Monarch. Not me, I'm a neutral-POV fact documenter.

Plus The Monarch, like, has sex with girls all the time. All the time. He just barely has enough non-having-sex time to arch Dr. Venture who is so many times less handsome than The Monarch that it boggles the mind. Even, ya know, minds like Stephen Hawking. So you hear that Dr. Girlfriend! You had sex with a loser! I, um, meant Dr. Venture, not me. Right...