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Selected Quotes for The Venture Bros. Episode,

The Better Man


Dr. Orpheus
Master? Master? Tatyana? What are you doing here?


The Master
I was just sitting here, thinking of how glad I am that I left you for the Outrider. And how he does that thing you used to do with your mouth, but better because he can hold his breath longer.


Dr. Orpheus
Oh, it is you, my Master.


The Master
Duh, Orpheus. Now whats all this cry baby crap about? Aren't you used to the Outrider making you look like a shnook by now?


Dr. Orpheus
He came out of a portal to the second world! I've been training my whole life just to perceive that there is a second world, and he can move between them? Tell me Master, how can this be?


The Master
The love of a good woman can do wonders Orpheus. I mean look at me. These are natural C cups. Aren't they beautiful? I mean you can bounce a penis off of these.


Dr. Orpheus
I doubt my ex-wife's breasts are the answer.


The Master
Oh, it doesn't stop there. I am sitting on what is easily the ass of a teenager. I mean, what does she do pilates or something? You can rest a coffee mug on it.


Dr. Orpheus
Really? She's almost forty by now.


The Master
Well tell it to the hiney Orpheus, because it still thinks its 1992.



Triana
Hello? Is anyone in here?


The Master
Hi sugar dumpling. I was just vacuuming and after this I'm gonna watch TV and then cry myself to sleep. I know, I might wake up in the middle of the night and threaten to kill myself if you leave me...again. So how was work?


Triana
What is this? Who are you?


The Master
Baby doll it's me, your loyal husband Dean Venture. I'm your future, isn't this great?(Baby starts to cry)Oh, that's our baby Rusty junior. Well, I mean if you can call it a baby. It's got like a leg growing out of what would be a head on a regular baby, and if you squeeze him poop comes out of his eyes and a little bit under his finger nails.


Triana
I just walked into a closet! What is going on?


The Master
Oh we had a deformed kid because my gene pool is more like a gene septic tank. Yeah I was cloned so much that I can only make monster babies.


Triana
Wait, Dean was cloned?


The Master
Dean was cloned, Hank was cloned, and you've been here like ten times before this. Surprise! Somebody's been getting her memory wiped!


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