|Don Rio Impossible Isabanco|
|1st appearance:||¡Viva los Muertos!|
|Voice Artist:||Jackson Publick|
Don Rio Impossible Isabanco was a learned shaman and a transcendent, multi-dimensional genius hailing from the Amazon. Don Rio, with the aid of his interpreter, participated in a "purgative journey" for "any-and-all who hunger to learn the secrets of self which stud like internal suns in the inky latticework of our very minds," and event organized by Byron Orpheus, who was also kind enough to furnish the provided melodramatic description of said event.
Most who attended Orpheus' get-together believed Don Rio to be an incredibly wise, enlightened figure, and treated his words with great respect, no matter how ridiculous they seemed on the surface. After Brock Samson told the gathering a heartfelt, sorrowful story about his cold-blooded murder of a hapless, fleeing henchman, Don Rio responded by relating his experience fucking an Amazon river dolphin. When Brock increduously asked Don Rio what his story had to do with anything, Don Rio answered, "Hot dolphin!" Brock believed Don Rio was an idiot, but it should be noted that Brock's drug-fueled spiritual journey made heavy use of Don Rio's dolphin imagery, and after his trip, Brock woke up guiltless and re-energized. Was Don Rio's multi-dimensional brilliance responsible for Brock's spiritual cleansing? Or is Don Rio just a weird, creepy dude from South America who likes to fuck dolphins? It's a conundrum.