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The Venture Bros. episode
Are You There God? It's Me, Dean
Season 1
Orig. Airdate 10/2/2004
Writer(s) Doc Hammer
Director Jackson Publick
Production # 1-10
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A difficult run in with the Monarch leads to the invocation of "Rusty's Law" as Dean is afflicted with a crippling pain. Brock and Hank, however, remain hostages in the Monarch's Cocoon until the medical emergency can be resolved.


The Monarch has captured the Venture Clan and has them hanging over the Amazon River. He thanks them for finding Grover Cleavland's Presidential Time Machine, and informs them that he is going to dip them into the river so that the Dreaded Candiru can feast on their urethra. Dean screams out in pain saying that his no-no's hurt. Rusty then tells the monarch that in 1969 The Guild of Calamitous Intent ennacted an addendum to Article 47 of the Unusual Torture Act and that he has to let ALL of them go. After checking The Guild of Calamitous Intent's handbook that he keeps in his glove compartment, The Monarch lets Dean and Rusty go while holding Hank and Brock as collateral.

On the X1 Rusty is trying to figure out what's wrong with Dean. After ruling out experimentation with Hank, that hussy Triana Orpheus, and shooting dope into the his scrotum, Rusty tells Dean to pull down his pants so he can palpate the region. Dean refuses and asks for a Doctor. Rusty calls Conjectural Technologies, where Billy answers "How can we make your tomorrow better?" Billy tells Pete they got a job.

Meanwhile, The Monarch fools with Hank, telling him he is indeed Hank's father. Hank is kind of skeptical but The Monarch yells "Psych!" anyway. After some other small talk The Monarch arrives at the super secret location of The Cocoon, which is in the highly visible grand canyon. When he opens the door to his headquarters, he is surprised by his henchmen who are throwing a surprise birthday party for him, but he swiftly shoots one of the henchmen with his wrist band darts. One of the henchmen is surprised that "someone" got The Monarch Brock Samson as a gift, while all he got him were coupons for stuff that's in the henchman job description anyway. The Monarch takes Dr. Girlfriend a piece of cake, and Dr. Girlfriend says the big guy is ok but the little kid looks too young, and she'd rather use the puppet again.

At the Venture Compound, Dean is rather concerned about Billy's credentials. Billy says it is like a walk through the park, and Pete says like "a walk through a park with genitals for trees" just to spread the icing on the cake. Dean is still not convinced and doesn't want to show his "junk" to a little boy. Rusty then tells Dean that Billy has been pulling the "boy-genius" bit at least for the 20 years he's known him. Dean swallows his fear, pulls down his pants, and leaves everyone flabbergasted.

Back in the cocoon, the Monarch in all his graciousness asks 27 to get Hank a change of clothing but discovers that Brock doesn't sleep in his clothes, so he tells 27 to burn the mattress and sheets. There's an awkward silence and The Monarch asks what there is to do. One of the henchmen says it's about time he give one of his archig Dr. Venture speeches but the Monarch think's that's innappropriate given the circumstances. Brock asks him if he is afraid of the big leagues, A.K.A. world domination, and The Monarch responds he'll leave that to religious nuts or the GOP because he has his hands in many sinister soups, and that it's just an off day.

After examination, Billy informs Dean that he has Acute Testicular Torsion. Rusty says it's his fault and that he could have fixed the situation in the "prototype" stage. After some colorful comparisons between testicles and dried up shrivled peanuts, Dean agrees to be operated on, but is saddened by the news that they will have to shave him befor the operation since he just grew those.

In the cocoon, Henchman 21 and Henchman 24 are having a heated debate about whether the smurfs are mammals or not when Brock starts an attack on the henchmen. Brock tells The Monarch through a surveillance feed that it's time to give up the tree fort. The Monarch sets his henchman to the task of exterminating Brock, then thanks him for the action that is about to ensue in the cocoon.

When Dean wakes up from his successful operation, Rusty tells him that he invited people over to cheer him up. Dr. Orpheus gives him a Sunni fetish doll, Billy tells Dean he gave him a "full package", H.E.L.P.eR. gives him a warm freezer pop, Pete gives him his pubic hairs and Triana gives Dean teenage sympathy.

Later, Rusty calls The Monarch to tell him about continuing the arching. Everyone is trying to hide the fact that there's been major chaos at the cocoon and Rusty just blows it off and demands for the arching to continue. Back in the Amazon, just as The Monarch is about to have the Ventures dipped into the river, Hank lets out a yell.

Fun Facts[edit]

  • The Monarch only joined The Guild for full dental and partial health coverage.
  • After the credits roll, there is a PSA featuring the Boys, Brock and Rusty talking about Testicular Torsion. They also mention the below listed link on the interwebs.
  • Doc Hammer has stated that this episode was inspired by his own painful bout of Testicular Torsion as a teenager.
  • There is an episode of Supernatural called, "Are You There God? It's Me, Dean Winchester."

Voice Talent[edit]

Voice Talent
James Urbaniak Dr. Venture
Henchman 3, 4
Michael Sinterniklaas Dean Venture
Patrick Warburton Brock Samson
Chris McCulloch Hank Venture
The Monarch
Monarch Henchman 2
Mr. White
Doc Hammer Dr. Girlfriend
Master Billy Quizboy
Monarch Henchman 1
Steven Rattazzi Dr. Orpheus
.and the return of Soul-Bot as H.E.L.P.eR.

Episode Related Links[edit]

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