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Selected Quotes for The Venture Bros. Episode,

A Very Venture Christmas

Dean: Why didn't he wish me a Merry Christmas? Nobody wants a Dean-in-the-box!




Brock: What are you doing Hank?

Hank: Nothing

Brock: Your present's not in there.

Hank: Whaddya mean? I was just looking for the ... Christmas videos! Oh, here they are. Miracle on 69th Street, Jingle Balls, Frothy the Blowman, Rudolph the Red...

Brock: Okay, Hank. Listen, I need help putting up the lights, okay?

Hank: Like holding a staple gun is helping. What were those elves doing to that lady?

Brock: They're dwarves Hank.

[Hank walks towards door. Notices Baby Jesus figurine out on desk]

Hank: Hey, Baby Jesus is out of the manger

Brock: [Looking at his fly] Huh?




[ The Monarch is relieved about the narrow escape of Tiny Joseph.]

The Monarch: I almost lost one of our agents. Granted his specialty is pretty limited.




Dr. Girlfriend: So what's the big plan?

The Monarch: Ha. I'm glad you asked. Behold!

[A model of the Venture Compound rises through an opening in the cocoon floor.]

The Monarch: Tiny Joseph has managed to slip into the Venture Compound and cleverly booby trap it. At the strike of midnight, Dr. Venture will place his precious, porcelain baby Christ into it's manger. And when he does, it'll set off a series of explosions that will deck his halls with boughs of Venture!

[Dr. Girlfriend let out an exacerbated sigh]

The Monarch: What?

Dr. Girlfriend: That model was supposed to be a surprise.

The Monarch: I peeked.




[Master Billy Quizboy spies Triana at the party.]

Master Billy Quizboy: Hold the phone. Total Babe Alert. Twelve O'clock.

Pete White: Oh yeah, I know her type. Watch and learn Willamina.

Master Billy Quizboy: Okay, one: you're totally gay. Two: She's hot and you're an albino. And three: You're totally gay.

Pete White: You know I was the first DJ at my college radio station to play Bauhaus.

Triana Orpheus: [unimpressed] That's great. Wow, that makes you what, 60 or something, huh?

Pete White: No, just cool. Ah! Mistletoe.

[Mistletoe combusts. Pete White looks over to see an annoyed Dr. Orpheus. Pete gets up and walks away]

Triana Orpheus: Dad, I can take care of myself, ya know?

Dr. Orpheus:I'm sorry, I trust you to defend your honor. It's just that..[standing up] MY PUMPKINS MAIDEN-HEAD IS NOT A PRIZE TO BE...

Triana: DAD!

[Orpheus clears his throat and walks away]

Dr. Venture: Oh, Orpheus. I wasn't expecting you to show up. Didn't think necromancers believed in Christmas.

Dr. Orpheus: Ah, the whole affair is about as real as Kwanzaa or "Wookie's Life Day", but I find it charming.




Hank: That gay albino is hitting on your not girlfriend.




Dr. Venture: And I can't go into the details this early into the project, but let's just say the last chapter has yet to be written about the subject of spider monkeys.




Dr. Venture: That's ridiculous, there's no such thing as Santa Claus.

Dr. Orpheus: Not since he was killed by a jet in 1963, no. Nor has there been a Krampus since the Pope cast him into Purgatory during Vatican II. But your boys seem to have inadvertantly released him from his chains.




Hank: Hey Pop, we saw where Jesus was born. And there's like magical God-fire shooting out of it and everything.

Dean: Just lick in Ten Commandments.

Brock: I think we hit a gas main.

Dr. Venture: So what do we do here, Brock?

Brock: Well, that depends. If the Israelis get here first we might have a chance. I know some guys in the Mossad. But, if the PLO show up, well, my Arabic's a little shaky.

Dr. Venture: Not a problem. Did you forget? This baby runs on pure plutonium. They're gonna love us!

Dean: And that's what Christmas is all about!